List O’ Rama: Julian’s Ongoing Ranking of HBO Shows

Random, yes, but also appropriate.  With a few notable exceptions (Lost is NOT one of them) network television is bizarrely, stupefyingly bad. To catch something worth watching on TV, one has to turn to the premium channels–or at least cable.  That being said, I’ve decided to rank the major shows HBO has produced since it turned its attention to original programming in the late 90’s.  The list will grow as I watch more shows, with the rankings likely to slide around a bit as well. 

Oh, and Lost fans: that scary monster’s made of smoke.  Smoke.

1. Six Feet Under- Alan Ball followed up on the success of American Beauty by writing a show called Oh, Grow Up…which nobody watched. After that, he went a slightly more serious route and came up with this show, a brilliant blend of well-shaded characterization, mordant humor, and potent drama.  Centering on a family who lives amongst the dead (they run a funeral home), the show deftly captures the dynamics of human interaction at numerous levels, from the family unit to relationships both heteronormative and otherwise.  The excellent central cast are supported by standouts like Ben Foster, Patricia Clarkson, and Lily Taylor in long-term arcs.  On the whole, the show distinguishes itself as one of the most mature and nuanced pieces of television I’ve ever seen.

Progress: Beginning of Season Three

2. Carnivale-As a Twin Peaks fan, the sight of “The Man From Another Place” (Michael J. Anderson) a few minutes into Carnivale’s pilot hooked me from the get-go. The bizarre story, freak-show characters, and ominous religious overtones kept me interested for the length of the show’s two-season run.  Things do get a little slow at times, and the knotty surrealism may be a turn-off for some, but the show’s dark revelations make it more than worthwhile to see it through to the end.

Progress: Complete (both seasons, though the show was originally scheduled to be six seasons in total)

3. Entourage-People call it Sex in the City in Hollywood, or Sex in the City for guys–which probably means I should watch Sex and the City and see if either is a valid comparison. But since I haven’t, this stupid but strangely endearing show serves as an enjoyable guilty pleasure.

Progress: Season One only

4. Rome-Speaking of stupid, who decided that Romans should talk with a random accent that’s one part British, one part American, and one part mannered theater student?  This two-season series (like Carnivale, cut off before its conclusion due to budget conflicts) is definitely a mixed bag, with storylines and characters (namely, the legionnaires) generating a great deal of interest and others (the overarching political conflict) falling awfully flat.  Ciaran Hinds as Caesar possesses an anti-charisma that makes one ache for the moment Brutus will plunge his treacherous dagger into the warlord’s Roman hide.  Still, the show’s more than enough fun to be worth watching for the length of its rather abbreviated run.

Progress: Halfway through season one

5.The Sopranos-I know it revolutionized the gangster genre, and is a psychological masterwork, and is supposed to be every critic’s darling.  The problem is, try as I might, I just can’t give a shit.

Progress: First two seasons (which will be it)

6. Curb Your Enthusiasm-Seinfeld plus the ability to swear and have a lot of sex jokes, minus Kramer, Elaine, and you know, Seinfeld.  Not horrible, but doesn’t do anything for me.

Progress: First half of the first season (and that’s it)

7.  Da Ali G Show-I liked Borat about half as much as the next guy, but this is just bad.  Really bad.  The Daily Show and Colbert Report handle political figures with more subtlety; sketch comedy involving gay fashion designers is never funny.  I tried watching this with my sister and awkwardness ensued.

Progress: first four episodes (and that’s it)

Currently Watching: Halfway through season one of Rome, just started season three of Six Feet Under.

On Deck: Season one of Deadwood, season two of Entourage.

 

Check Out: Cat People (1942)

Cat People, directed by Jacques Tourneur, USA, 1942. Review by Julian 4/10/08.

I once told a friend that the essence of film noir could be explained with one word: shadow.  There are of course the shadows that can be seen: the silhouettes cast by streetlights, the bars of a jail cell scarring an inmate’s face, the crook of a bannister or other innocuous object turned sinister by a play of the light.  But more importantly are the internal shadows, the secrets and desires and burning frustrations that inhabit the characters of film noir, propelling them across the screen with the fury and drama that make the genre (or cycle, or mode, or series–whatever you want to call it) a personal favorite of mine.

The shadows that lie at the heart of noir often crop up in strange places: in Westerns like High Noon, science fiction epics like Blade Runner, even comedies like Arsenic and Old Lace. In Cat People, a B-movie unfairly marketed to the horror crowd, noir doesn’t have very far to travel. The film follows Irena (Simone Simon), a troubled Serbian immigrant who falls in love with American Oliver Reed (Kent Smith) but can’t quite shake the superstitions of her homeland.  

One of the now-appreciated collaborations between producer Val Lewton and director Jacques Tourneur at RKO Radio Pictures, the film is a masterpiece of low-budget filmmaking.  DeWitt Bodeen’s script exploits universal themes while propagating a psychological viewpoint that is all the more charming for its slightly dated simplicity. The film is, above all else, psychological, deftly uncovering the various characters’ neuroses at a gradual pace that is all the more impressive given the film’s 73-minute runtime.  

Tourneur’s visuals are likewise a treat. Shadows fill every corner, lurk behind every lamppost, and, in arguably the film’s most effective scene, swim through the darkened waves of an indoor pool. The film makes no attempt to startle, or to overwhelm its audience with pathos or gore. It’s just a subtle, masterful reminder that the greatest fears man can know lie in the realm of the unseen.

Review: “The Ruins”

The Ruins, directed by Carter Smith, USA 2008 Reviewed by James 4/7/08

So four teenagers walk into a bar… and get brutally murdered. It’s an old joke. This time the bar is a ruined temple in Mexico. They are lead there by a German guy, whose looking for his brother. The temple is covered with this weird plant. The teenagers get there and accosted by gun-toting Mayans. The Mayans drive them up into the Temple and shoot anyone who tries to leave.

The plants kill people. That much is in the previews, but I won’t say too much more. The movie has some real horror to it, and it all stems from the nature of the plants. I can’t remember any recent horror movie moment that filled me with as much dread as one particular revelation in this one. You’ll know what I’m talking about it when you see it.

I did not really care at all about the teenagers. They’re Jena Malone, Ice Man from the X-Men, a girl who gets naked briefly and gratuitously, beautiful as she is, and a guy who develops a speech impediment halfway through the movie. They are pretty typical white human teenagers. Go to Penn State you get used to these kinds of people pretty quick. The movie spends some perfunctory scenes establishing them. Yes, they are human and they need to be loved, just like everybody else does. But instead they are killed by plants.

The ending is really bad. Very abrupt, anticlimatic, and unsatisfying. The writer, Scott Smith, adapting his own novel, couldn’t think of anywhere to go after he exhausted all his horrific plant imagery. So whiz, bang, boom, everyone save one is killed, and quick cut to a scene of no, gasp, some more teenagers on their way to the ruins. Will the madness never end? Bah.

Go if you like gruesome horror.

Rating: 3 out of 5 screens